Every child experiences jealousy. It’s a natural emotion.
Helping your children learn to handle jealousy will not only help them feel
better, it can also help them get along better with others.
While you may not be able to entirely eliminate it, you can
teach your kids to handle the negative emotions and help them foster a positive
opinion of themselves and the world around them.
I have a three-year-old son and am expecting baby number two
this summer. Dealing with new baby jealousy and learning how to share a
parent’s time and affection will definitely be a topic in our household.
1. Acknowledge your child’s feelings: Don’t try
to talk your child out of his envy—it probably won’t work. Acknowledge your
child’s feelings instead. For example, say, “It’s hard for you to wait when I
have to do something for the baby,” or, “You’re disappointed that your friend
got picked for the part in the play, and you didn’t.”
2. Perfect-or-nothing thinking: Elementary-age
kids are quick to decide that they are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ at certain activities.
If your child is interested in sports, ask, ‘Who is the best baseball player in
the whole country?’ Ask your child to explain why. Then say, ‘So, all the other
players, who aren’t as good, should they quit playing?’ Ask your child to
explain why not. You can do the same thing for best actor, musician or other
interests.
3. Highlight
strengths: Children often compare themselves with their siblings. Say what’s
special about your child without making comparisons like, “You’re good at math
and your sister is good at reading.” List concrete examples of things you love
about your child such as, “I love how you tell stories that make the whole
family laugh.”
4. Don’t
make everything about the baby: Allow yourself to be in
awe of the baby in private. In a family setting, use phrases like, “I’ll be
there after I finish the laundry” rather than, “I’ll be there after the baby
wakes up” to help avoid extra feelings of resentment toward the baby.
5. Give
responsibilities: Ask for help when changing a
diaper by having your older child bring over wipes or a toy to entertain the
baby. Praise the older sibling about how good they are at being helpful and
making the baby happy.
